Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Thief! Stealing our marriage (Post by Kenny)

The following post is the second of several by my husband, Kenny. Thanks for reading! ~Alyson


Having a loved one that has CFS is like being ripped off. This disease affects everything. And when I say everything I mean “EVERYTHING”. The emotions that I have and the quality of life are not even close to that of what Alyson has to go through. The tears and isolation that she endures is something that I compassionately and sadly endure with her. But, that does not neglect the point that this disease has stolen a lot from our marriage.

It is not an isolated disease that just affects one person, but robs the whole family of life. We don’t get to go on walks, workout together, go to parks or other physical activities without major consequences. Instead of having Alyson crash and burn, we limit, almost to non-existent our activities. Weekends are for recovery from long weekdays.

Please, if you don’t have CFIDS and are thinking that you do the same, wake up! You choose to lie around on the weekends without any action. Alyson is forced by having no energy. Completely different, not even comparable, don’t even go there!

If you really want to test the strength of your love and your commitment towards your spouse, try having one with this disease. Alyson does her best to help out, go on dates, and do some chores along with anything else she can muster the energy for. Even with sacrifice, her life along with mine is being high jacked. Stolen are the basic enjoyments for couples to enjoy one another. Things that too many couples take for granted. Not truly enjoying that walk with your wife, or that weekend drive through the country? That is a shame. Unfortunately, we don’t get that privilege along with many others.

I am not looking for sympathy, but I am trying to express the seriousness of this life altering disease. It does not just smack one person in the face; this illness spits, steals, mocks and walks away leaving an entire family in a ditch looking for some help. When other loved ones don’t fully acknowledge this, they too are kicking dirt in the ditch. Please don’t bury family and friends that are suffering. Having this disease is isolating enough that they don’t need any added misery.


Kaz said...

I know exactly what you mean. I am the one with cfs, my husband works full time and also takes on more and more of the chores. We can get out but thats because I am now in a wheelchair, poor old him pushes me around (I am also fat - can't shift weight when you can't move). I used to love walking in woods and on the beach, can't do much of either in a wheelchair.

Your post brought tears to my eyes and made me feel very sorry for myself, still least I am alive and at least he is willing to push me around, I have had exes in my past you would be too embarrassed!

Keep strong and watch comedy on the tv, it helps so much to be able to laugh together.

upnorth said...

I'm so glad you are able to be and Advocate for Alyson....It's hard to advocate for yourself when your sick...

It is so true that the loved ones of this illness suffer too. They have to watch some one suffer, and can no longer do the things together they once did. I've lost a lot of friends because of this...when you can't do things with your friends anymore they tend to drift away.

Gerry said...


You are not alone - you have more company than you know - I found your post cathartic. Our wives are heroes! It makes me feel guilty to speak of the impact on me so the fact that you spoke out benefits all spouses of CFIDS sufferers. "Thief! Stealing our marriage" - you're right - but Bethany and I are not letting that thief win! and it sounds like you and Alyson aren't either. Bless you both !


Renee said...

Very good post to help people realize that CFIDS affects more than the one afflicted. Your support for Alyson is a blessing and the two of you are showing a fine example of the reality of the illness, and shows the deep commitment and love that still continues on inspite of the illness that tries to rob you of everything good.

Laurel said...

Well said, Kenny!

Jenni Saake (a.k.a. InfertilityMom) said...

I've had CFIDS for 19 years. I can't even imagine holding down a job, but like your wife, I am blessed by an understanding husband who supports me through all the ups and downs, even though neither of us wish we had to deal with this thief. Thank you for sharing your side of the story.


agentforchange said...

Alyson and Kenny,
Powerful blog post indeed! May your marriage remain strong always!

Here are three good links for you:
P.A.N.D.O.R.A. - www.pandoranet.info
The Lanford Foundation - www.lifelyme.org
me-cfscommunity.com - This is also the perfect place to promote your blog.


alyson said...

Thank you, everyone, for your comments. Kenny has been amazed at the response to his post. As I mentioned in the comment section of his previous post, Kenny is committed to American football (both college and pro). He will respond to your posts later this weekend.

kenny said...

Thanks for all your support! As I wrote, it is hard for us as caretakers, but nothing in comparison to those that suffer from this disease. I admire all of you who care for, without giving up on those with CFIDS. It would be much easier to quite than to continue on this journey.

I also admire everyone that has this illness that continues to fight. Stay positive and never give up. I know that I won’t.