It occurred to me the other day that I don't actually know what it's like to be a healthy adult. Believe it or not, this realization was startling to me.
Most of my chronic problems like asthma started around age 18, and I continued to develop even more chronic conditions like eczema and IBS throughout my 20's. I'm pretty sure the CFIDS started around age 20 or 21.
At least I had a pretty normal childhood.
When I was a little girl, I told my parents that I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, and a fireman. I also wanted to be married by age 24 and have two children before I was 30 -- preferably one boy and one girl.
I never actually became a doctor, a lawyer, or a fireman; though of all these occupations, I came closest to becoming a doctor. Two years after I completed my bachelors degree, I enrolled as a postbaccalaureate student at the local college to complete the prerequisites to apply to medical school.
This was the year I suffered from chronic strep throat infections and had a tonsillectomy complete with complications. I had to take a medical withdrawal. Little did I know I was also suffering from a full-blown case of CFIDS. Interestingly enough, this was the year that I met my now husband. Compared to when he first met me, I'm much better!
As far as my other childhood "goals" go, I got married to Kenny at age 26 -- only two years "late." I'm 30 now, but we don't have any children.
I still want children very much with all my heart. We both do. The main reason we don't have any now is because of my disease. I am terrified of having a child that I cannot take care of due to illness. The amount of energy it takes to care for a child is immense and exhausts even the healthiest of parents. The last thing I want to do is to bring a child into this world who has a mommy too sick to move.
We are waiting until I get well before we try to have children. Of course, we don't even know if I'm able to have children because of my polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). If I can't have my own kids, we'll adopt. We've already decided that.
Now all I have to do is get well!
Today's Activities: work (with more walking around than usual). Today's Symptoms: exhaustion, mild headache, profuse sweating; active eczema on right ankle.
Mood (10 is best): 6
Energy (10 is best): 3
Physical Discomfort (10 is worst): 3