Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Why I Don't Call or Write

I spend very little time on the phone or on email. I rarely answer my phone and instead let voice mail or the answering machine get it. I never call friends just to chat. I read all my personal emails but rarely respond to them, and I even more rarely initiate email conversations. My lack of accessibility has most certainly alienated my friends and made my family feel neglected or ignored.

The reality is that I just don't have the mental (and sometimes, physical) energy.

I have found that mental energy is just as important as physical energy when having a dialogue. Phone conversations force me to listen to, process, and respond to what the other person is saying. Email correspondence requires me to read, process, and respond to what the other person is saying. I do so much of these mental aerobics at work that by the time I get home I just don't have anything left to give. Unfortunately, I'm not much better communicating with people on the weekends because I usually spend most of that time trying to recover from the week (i.e., sleeping).

It's not personal. It's CFIDS.

1 comment:

Jessica Canham said...

Once again, I could have written this post myself! I live inside my head so much, that I even have conversations with people in my head. Not in a crazy way, just thinking of what I would say if I could call that person or write them. I just don't have the energy, mental or physical, to sit down and do it. Plus, my life is so repetitive, it's hard to find something interesting to say. Unless you want to hear about my cats for the hundredth!

Take care!